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Today–so good, and so hard.

November 26, 2012

These days are hard. There is much good, and much ick. I’m grateful for catching up on a lot of work, yet I hate that I’ve stayed up far too late and I have been so drained/cranky during my days. I’m grateful for slow days and staying HOME, but we are restless at the end of the day, and my boys need to play more outside. I need to make a point to go out with them. I’m grateful I have read big stacks of books, and made tea for all three of us, yet I am so saddened for how quickly I have snapped and yelled at my beloved sons. How can I be so quick to become mad? I cannot love my boys or tame my tongue or stop my knee jerk reaction without God, or on my own. It’s hard, too: I love staying up late–or dread going to bed–and yet I must be self disciplined, for I’m stealing from my day tomorrow when I don’t go to bed when I need to. And it is hard, at the end of the day when all is still, to quiet my thoughts of all that could have gone differently or better.

I’m grateful for all the reading we did today, for snuggling on the couch together, for holding SF when he asked me to, for saying “yes!” to S’s request to color, for letting him color our big banner (for welcoming the Gs home with their adopted children), and realizing it is fine, just as it is. I’m grateful everything is picked up and neatly put away, that bedtime was peaceful, that I could visit with dziadek [Polish word for grandpa] through texts as the boys fell asleep, for a warm and snuggly cat on my lap, and the quiet of everyone asleep. Now, time for me to head to bed, too.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. November 27, 2012 11:44 am

    Always love your honesty! Sending love!

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