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Sharing a little bit: ramblings, moments I’m grateful for, etc.

January 13, 2013

It’s easier to read a blog, than to write a post of my own.

It’s easier to look at a screen (both my phone and computer), than pick up the floor or wash the dishes.

It’s easier to moan and fret about what isn’t, than write down and count up all the blessings, and appreciate all that IS.

Some days have been really hard, and yet, when I’m stopping and writing down ALL the gifts around me, all that God has done, all the ways He loves me, I am speechless, grateful, and in awe with how blessed I am. Ann wrote recently–when we feel like dying or going slightly crazy, we’ve got to grab hold and cling hard and WRITE DOWN each gift, and by writing, we’re drinking and gulping each breath, each bite, each gift that will save us. She urges, c’mon — LIVE!! I’ve been encouraged that I MUST write down the gifts God has given me, for me to LIVE. And be filled with peace. When I am writing these gifts down, I am letting go of what I’m anxious about. I stop yelling, when I start fighting hard to find reasons to give thanks. And there are ALWAYS reasons and things for which to give thanks.

Thank you, TJP, for our quick call. I love our five minute conversations–though rarely more than five minutes, our phone calls are treasured, much appreciated, and I’m so grateful for our friendship. You are a dear and treasured friend. After our call, I’m encouraged to write, and just plunge in, and say something.

So to reflect on the past couple days:

–SJ and I went for a glorious snowshoeing hike yesterday. It was beautiful. 15 or 16 degrees outside, COLD. We only had a couple hours together, thanks to a dear friend who watched our boys.

–We went rock climbing with our boys after they napped yesterday afternoon, and what a gift that was. So FUN to climb!! Once we got our “slow-to-warm” children started, and before our youngest fell apart in a pile of expletives. He’s growing and changing, needing lots of sleep and food lately, and seems to be wrestling through a lot of interior battles, and oh these choice words are flying!

–Last night I called a friend, and we swapped Listening Time. I never like it, but know I need it, and I know it works. And lo and behold, I felt calmer and at peace. Emptied of those thoughts that sometimes trip me up. I’m SO GRATEFUL my mom has urged me to get back into using Hand-in-Hand parenting (here’s an article on how HiH is helpful: on Partnering with Your Child), as it has been such a gift for our family. More on this later. Suffice to say, I’m more at peace when I’m taking care of myself by talking and listening regularly with a friend, and I’m able to more fully give of myself to my boys: as I can really be present and listen when my boys are working through their feelings, and I can better encourage our connection and relationship.

–Today I dove in, when SF was letting his words fly, and I told him I was going to snuggle these words out of him! I covered him with kisses, convinced I could find another “grumpy” under his chin, in his ear, on his toe, in his mouth, ohhhhhh INNNNNN his belly, ah ha! And sure enough, he was laughing by the end of it.

–I am SO GRATEFUL for my husband. We are finding ways to meet, support, and love each other. It is beautiful. I’m glad for the path we are on, as he is pursuing his interests in school, and I am looking forward to classes beginning tomorrow. Step by step, we’re moving towards our goals and dreams. And I am so grateful for the time we have had together over this break–though a break from school, he has been busy with work–and yet we have still found time to be together and support one another.

–Last night S was sick, as it was his first time throwing up. That’s pretty good for a five year old! He and I were up from 1:10-3:25am, and there was a bit of musical beds: S came to our bed after he was sick in his bed, SF came to our bed, I changed S’s sheets, I lay down on SF’s bed, then I went back to our bed with a bucket, just in case S might need it; SJ went to our couch, S was sick again (most in the bucket! yay!), I carried SF back to his bed, S rested on the floor, I changed our sheets, S was almost–but wasn’t!–sick again, and then S and I fell asleep. Then another set of sheets to change in the am: woot!! SF is making HUGE strides again, and is out of diapers again, yet oops, he had one small accident this am. I was grateful with all of these changes, we had exactly the right number of sheets (two total sets for our bed, three total sets for boys’ beds). We’ll be good to go, as soon as I’ve finished laundry today and remade the respective beds! 🙂 It was so sweet comforting him, rubbing his back, and listening to his introspective conversation, almost as though he had aged a little bit, and became a little bit older and wiser. “That was my first time throwing up.” “It wasn’t very fun.” “It didn’t feel good.” And when I said, “But now you feel better?” And he said, “yes.” I feel I can’t quite find the words to capture his quiet ponderings, as he reflected and grasped what had happened.

–I’m grateful for three dear friends encouraging me with SF: Mom said, “don’t fight him; diapers are fine, he’ll grow out of them when he’s ready.” Then the allure and delight of chocolate chips has helped encourage him to dash to the toilet when he needs to go! For this, I have LOVED bribery, during our second round of learning to use the toilet. Then Jen said “go for LOOSE pants!” and so far, this theory is working out great! We’ve transitioned from sans pants to loose pants, and he’s running to the bathroom when he needs to. And Bridget said, “Who cares if he has an accident! He’ll be fine. I don’t mind.” when I was leaving him for his weekly meeting at our church. What a relief! I didn’t need to force him into a diaper, he didn’t want to wear one, SHE didn’t mind an accident, and he DID NOT have an accident! Hooray!!!! In the grand scheme of things, this will simply be a blip and perhaps not worth recording. BUT, I do bother to record this, as it’s the small triumphs, right? The peace with which we’re getting to our goal is great.

ENOUGH about those two (being sick and potty training), now for sweeter moments:

–SF points to the number ‘3’–anywhere and everywhere, on digital clocks, in page numbers in books, on our 100′ tape measure as he extends it–and says proudly, “That’s my oldness!” Ha. 🙂

–I am LOVING listening to praise and worship music on the radio and on Pandora. It is beautiful. And my soul is so encouraged and uplifted.

–And ohhhhh this little fellow LOVES to be held, and snuggled, and asks ALL the time “Hold me!” It is wonderful to scoop him up. I’m grateful for how he requests and seeks and loves physical affection.

–S LOVES to read, and be read to. He’ll come RUNNING across the house when I start reading a book aloud. He is eager to read himself, and will randomly tell me words that he has read. Today he was looking at a snack bar, and told me I couldn’t have it since it has dairy (true, no dairy for me, and my boys are very thoughtful and they keep careful track of what I can/can’t have). I asked if he saw the word, he did, and then we realized it said “dairy free”.

–He is so considerate of younger children, and so gentle. He has been carefully working on building lego cars for SF, since S has several that he has built and loves for himself. SF was working on his little tracing book, and S encouraged, praised, and coached SF where to put the marker, and where to draw the line. For at least 10 minutes, I heard “Yeah!” “Good job!” etc as he helped his little brother. (Ha, then S did the latter half of the book, which SF said was fine with him, as he was happy to share. These two boys went from page 1 to page 76 in half an hour, so much for the book lasting for a couple of weeks!) He has also helped one of our little friends that we’ve had over. It has been so sweet to see him helping SF and our little friends.

And now my sweet kiddos are waking up from their naps. Enough of my ramblings, more to come soon! I’ll see if I can go back and add pictures…

2 Comments leave one →
  1. January 13, 2013 8:30 pm

    SO good to hear your voice today…on the phone AND here! Though it can feel like a wholelotta nothing when you begin to write, I know you’ll look back even in just a few short months and be so thankful you recorded the big stuff and the tiny moments. Love you friend! Keep writing when you find the time!

  2. Lisa permalink
    January 14, 2013 8:57 am

    Enjoyed your post and loved the Christmas card. Thanks!

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