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March 9, 2013

March 9, 2013.

I’m pulled and torn. One part of me is astounded by the beauty I see around me. I have held and snuggled and helped and fed and soothed some precious babies lately, and ohhhhh these moments have been such sweet gifts. I am writing down the gifts I see around me, the moments of grace, the ways God loves me, and I’m somewhere over 1000. I think around 1200 or so. And when I am writing these down, I am awestruck.

And yet, I must write and record and search and hunt for these moments daily. It’s like manna, needing to be gathered every day. It’s like the Lord’s Prayer, asking that You give us our daily bread.

For I am also drained. Exhausted. And worn down. I don’t quite know why, I can’t quite put my finger on it. I don’t have the motivation to tackle the piles in my room. I haven’t done much homeschooling this past week. My throat hurts, my body is worn, my heart is tired. My boys have played so well and so much, it has been lovely to see. And yet they miss their mama. And I miss them. I’ve been with them, but I want to BE with them. There have been sweet moments, but we are needing more of each other. And it has been hard to give, and pour love, and DO what I need to do around here.

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