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Ramblings

December 8, 2013

Ten minutes: go! There’s much I’ve been pondering, and much I want to remember. So, I’m striving to pause and write down some of my thoughts.

– I am so deeply thankful for pausing, noticing, and connecting with my boys!!!! It is profound the difference it is making for us.
– S has really been opening up: talking so so so much, giving me hugs, kisses, and so much affection, and really responding to what I say and do. I’m striving to honor him and respond well, so he knows he can continue to open and share.
– silly boys were struggling, bickering over the duplos. From the kitchen, I told them go get more, then I stood over them and told them to listen to each other and figure it out; then exasperated I bent down and started silently picking up the blocks and clicking them together (intending to put them away), lime green gloves on, still dripping soapy water. S merrily exclaimed, “Look what Mama’s building!” SF asked to add a block. SF still grumbled and seemed out of sorts, but then he calmed and added a block, too. I quietly kept building. Both were pleased with how my structure looked. And then, I quietly walked away, back to the kitchen and dishes and dinner prep. S exclaimed, “I’m the racer, SF is the builder!” and they delegated out their work, each working hard and contributing to what the other was doing. I was amazed: they needed me to connect with them. And I did. And once I peacefully held the space and bridged their struggle, they worked together, they kept playing, and they enjoyed being together while I finished getting dinner ready.

– I am meditating on “good enough”. I’ve struggled for years with longing to do everything “right” or “perfectly”, and it is so freeing to simply be striving for “good enough”. Doing something good enough, being good enough: it’s applying to everything these days.
– we decorated our Christmas tree today. It’s a beautiful glorious mess, fully showcasing the realness of our life right now. Half of the ornaments are shimmering golden balls, and the other half are constructed by a three, four, or five year old: resplendent in construction paper, googly eyes, yarn, foam figures, glitter, finger paint; being paper chains, toilet paper crowns, tissue paper “stained glass” images of candles, and clothes-pinned dolls of scrap cloth and hair made of yarn.
– assimilate. I’ve been learning and growing in many ways, it’s time to pause, ruminate, and take in these changes. I’m working on this.
– I am discovering I love baths!! I never thought I had time to take a bath nor did I enjoy them, but oh how relaxing they are! I’m relishing that I am learning to slow down, pause, and breathe. And even say no to things.
– my phone fell into the sink when I was doing dishes. S sweetly comforted me, “it’s okay, it’s just a phone, and we’ve got each other.” Indeed precious son, we do. And that is enough. And I keep being struck by how these phones/computers/screens can suck us/me in, and ohhhh what I miss, and how beautiful Life is when I put them down and embrace what is in front of me. I was reading a picture book by Shirley Hughes, and on one page, children were at a park. The children were playing. Adults were talking with one another, walking, playing with the children, and swinging them on the swings. Not a single adult was looking at a screen. What a change that is. So yes, I am marveling and striving to use it less. And yet, I am also striving to give myself and others grace, for far better for me to take my kids to a park and check out for a moment on my phone, than simply let their energy build inside and be checked out at home. Balance. Balance. And good enough. Saying no to guilt, and yes to grace.
– I’m striving to multi-task less.
– and I’m striving to follow through with what my boys ask of me, either when they ask me or once I finish what I’m doing, rather than forgetting or simply moving on. So yes, I will come to you, I will listen, I will read, I want to see what you’ve made and what you’re doing.
– I loved our spontaneous trip up the mountain to snowshoe together. It was lovely, just me and my boys and our dog. With a broken phone so no pictures to document the day. Simply being present with them.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. December 9, 2013 3:35 pm

    Thank you for sharing! You have such a beautiful family and I know you’re a terrific mom. Thanks for reminding me that things dont have to be perfect and that God is so very gracious to us!

    • December 10, 2013 9:51 am

      Thank you for your kind words. And soooo true, it doesn’t have to be perfect and God is so very gracious to us!!! I enjoy reading your writing and reflections as well. Keeping you in my prayers. xo!

  2. December 9, 2013 7:19 pm

    Loved the part about “it’s just a phone and we’ve got each other.” Adorable.

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