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Circling around, again.

January 4, 2017

4 January/Styczeń. Circling, deepening, reflecting, growing. Though I face some of these struggles that I’ve wrestled with for years, it is my hope and my prayer that I am growing, changing, and maturing. I appreciate the image of growth, that it isn’t a linear or straight line; but instead a spiral, around and around again, climbing or deepening into greater truth as we wrestle and face some of these well trodden paths with familiar obstacles.

Brene Brown said, “You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” and “Imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we are all in this together.” Isn’t there such freedom and relief with this? Showing up, as we are, it is enough. I struggle with myself and with my feelings…this time I will change, I will do better, I will triumph over this struggle. And then here I am, facing the same things again.and again.and again. I ponder, the weakness and flip side of strength. Are my imperfections to be overcome? Which ones am I to embrace and accept, and which ones to change? Berating myself hasn’t helped me. Moving forward, with kindness. Can I be a gentle loving mother, who is kind when she is angry? Can I restrain my sharp tongue and my criticisms? Can I accept and believe, I.am.enough. You are enough. My husband and sons are enough, precisely as they are. Can I set realistic expectations for my heart, my mind, my days, my time, and live well within the constraints of each day? It is so simple, and yet impossible on our own: love You, love others. Live a holy life, love one another. Follow You. One step, one moment, one breath at a time.

I’m thankful:

  • This morning I went for a run. It was 0c, and the paths were blanketed in thick crunchy white snow. Quiet, peaceful, and good. I slipped and fell when I began, but it was a gentle tumble, and there was something nice to begin with a fall. Yup…time to get up and get after it. One step at a time.
  • I ran almost 7km, though I pushed myself a little bit too much as my knee was hurting at the end…it’s been several weeks since I’ve ran, time to build up my strength and endurance again. I’m thankful the smog wasn’t bad, I’m well, and that I could run today.
  • I stopped by the farmer’s market on my way home, and I had just enough złoty/money to pick up some olive oil, three carrots, two parsley, some chicken, and some salami. It is so nice, to purchase just a little bit at a time.
  • Though I lost (another) earring this morning, I am thankful my pair is now one from my mother and one from my beloved. Something sweet, about having two mismatched pearls from the ones I love.
  • We began this morning well! Waking early, quietly doing yoga and stretching. I read just a little in my bible, and I was thankful to contemplate a verse from 1 John: living a holy life, loving one another. It is as simple as this. How am I doing this, today?
  • Making breakfast. Having eggs, spinach, a little bit of salami, and juice that it was easy to make food that would nourish us well for our days. Their papa woke them up gently, though they balked and struggled to wake up. Slowly, they awoke. And ate. And dressed, brushed teeth, put snow boots and coats on, and off we went to school. Some of these are such battles…and yet we loved well through the struggles.
  • Snowballs, crunching on snow, finding our friends, walking together. One son with each of us. On time. And ready for school.
  • Then, him to study, me to run. Thankful for a good run, a HOT shower, squats/pushups/pullups, and a delicious smoothie.
  • Thankful to write, to wash and fold laundry, to make chicken stock, and to bake a delicious meal of baked chicken with sweet potatoes, carrots, onions, parsley, celeriac, and oranges. And that I paid our monthly bills, practiced a little bit of Polish, and visited and prayed with my mom. Now, time for me to walk to school to pick up our sons. One step at a time, doing the work that is before me. Time to go catch their hearts, connect, and love them well from now through bedtime.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. January 4, 2017 8:51 am

    Beautiful thoughts, Sarah-Anne! God continues to inspire you – to write, to grow, to love. Thank you for sharing!

    • January 4, 2017 8:55 am

      Oh dear friend, thank you for your words! I miss you and treasure you. Step by step, walking with Jesus. He keeps gently teaching and showing me so much. I am thankful I wrote and shared my thoughts and heart today. So much love to you. ❤️

  2. January 4, 2017 10:23 am

    I really enjoyed the details and photos in this post. Thank you for sharing with us. God bless you and yours.

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